A Funny Look At Condo Boards

Greetings from the Condo Comando!

I have just returned from the great north and I am here to make sure you follow every rule and I will make sure everyone knows when you don't! I have a list! I have time to keep the list! You don't want to be on my list! So to stay off my list please follow these very important rules:

• Do not take the lounge Chair third from the left of the 2nd table on the right side. That is mine. The six chairs to the left of my chair are also reserved.
• There will be no splashing in the pool, yelling children, or children that are not toilet trained allowed in the pool. Any violations will be warned first and then a $25 fine and after 3 fines the violator will be suspended from the pool for 1 month.
• Since 11am - 2pm is poker games on Monday, Wednesday & Fridays and Water Arobics is on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday's, children are restricted from usage of the pool, unless of course if it is raining.
• If you are going to the Grocery store, remember that Agnes in 12 B and Ruth in 7A are both housebound and you should stop by to see if they need anything. Also please sign up for volunteer to take either one of them to appointments.
• The garbage committee is looking for new members - this would be an excellent way to help our wonderful community. Good news, you serve on this committee you can break all the rules you want and bust on those that break the rules! Ah power!
• Our community meeting happens on the third Wednesday of the month during the poker game. We have been so busy that we find that drinking, gambling and making decisions is so much easier when done together!
• You will recycle your garbage, the Garbage Committee regularly checks to ensure that compliance is assured.
• It has been brought up to the Entertainment Committee that several units are refusing to support the annual picnic - we strongly encourage you to rethink your position
  You will have no decorations on your door, outside your unit or displayed in windows or on lanais. This will result in a $500 fine after a warning.
• Cars in the parking lot must be neat and tidy. If the Neat and Tidy Committee comes across your car not being is acceptable condition, you will be given a warning. Subsequent violations will be meet with a $25 fine payable to the Entertainment Committee
• Cars are the only allowed to park in the parking lot after 4:30pm and after 8am. Motorcycles, trucks and RVs are not allowed. There will be no warnings, the Midnight Committee will call the towing company to remove it. It will cost you $375 to get it back and we will not be warning you.
• Don't take my newspaper, if you need 50 cents for the newspaper, ring my door and I will gladly give it to you! I have it delivered for a reason!
• Clean up after your dog - Fines start at $25 and double for every violation. The Garbage Committee and The Neat and Tidy Committee share responsibility for making sure that everyone is in compliance with this rule!
• Remember when you take a book from the lending library to fill out the card that you took it and please do not keep longer than 1 week.
• Your lanai must be clear of clutter, do not hang wet bathing suits or towels from railings or on furniture. The Neat and Tidy Committee will be in charge of patrols again, and you will have only one warning and $25 fine payable to the Neat and Tidy Committee.
• The Gossip committee loves to know your business, and make sure we all know it. So don't do anything that you don't want any of us to know.

Sincerely,

The Condo Commando